In this Lumos Community Chat, Kai Cheng Thom and Nkem Ndefo dive deep into trauma recovery, social justice, and the ongoing struggle for healing in a world filled with danger and complexity. With honesty and humor, Kai shares personal and professional experiences while challenging the limitations of traditional trauma recovery models. Together, they explore how we can heal collectively in spaces that are inherently unsafe.
Reframing Trauma Recovery: Safety Isn’t Always Possible
One of the standout moments in the conversation comes when Kai reflects on their early experiences as a trauma therapist working with marginalized communities in dangerous environments. Kai recounts a pivotal moment in their career when they asked a well-known trauma specialist how to approach trauma recovery for clients who may never experience safety. The response—that trauma recovery might not be possible without safety—was a revelation. As Kai puts it:
“If the methodology requires you to be part of the middle class, white, and presumably cis to do trauma recovery, then I’m not doing this.”
This moment sparked Kai’s journey toward developing a trauma approach that recognizes the reality of ongoing danger, especially for marginalized communities. Rather than aiming for an idealized state of safety, they suggest that the goal should be to prepare people for struggle while also cultivating moments of joy and connection amid danger.
Healing in Danger: Moving Beyond Traditional Trauma Models
In this powerful moment from the chat, Nkem reads aloud a series of Kai’s tweets that have circulated widely in trauma and somatics communities. These tweets challenge the traditional framework of trauma recovery, which often emphasizes the need for safety and stability before healing can occur. For marginalized communities, where safety is rarely guaranteed, Kai proposes a radical shift in thinking:
“We must be careful of popular languaging, such as the regulation of the nervous system and emotion, which implies control and domination… We are preparing the body for struggle, training for better survival and the ability to experience joy in the midst of great danger.”
Kai invites us to rethink trauma recovery as a process that doesn’t require ideal external conditions, but rather emphasizes resilience, connection, and even joy amidst persistent danger. This reframing acknowledges the lived experiences of those who exist in constant states of threat, offering a new path for healing.
Somatics and Collective Healing
Another key theme from the conversation is Kai’s exploration of collective trauma healing. They emphasize that true healing cannot happen solely on an individual level, particularly for marginalized people who live with daily threats to their well-being. Instead, they propose a shift toward group work and collective healing processes, highlighting how communities can help hold space for one another’s struggles.
“If we could really find a way to help people develop a collective nervous system awareness and the ability to stay with one another inside of tension and inside of rupture and get to repair, to transform in the presence of another. If we are able to do that, we experience community that doesn’t re-injure us, or if it does re-injure us, then it’s able to repair that injury.” – Kai Cheng Thom
By focusing on group somatic practices, Kai believes communities can develop a “collective nervous system awareness,” helping each individual feel seen and supported, even during tension and rupture.
The Zone of Willingness: Tension Between the Individual and the Group
A fascinating part of the discussion involves what Kai and Nkem call “the zone of willingness,” or the balance between individual and collective needs. Kai reflects on the complexities of activist spaces, where individuals sometimes prioritize their own trauma at the expense of the collective, leading to ruptures within the group. They suggest that developing a practice of staying in connection, even during conflict, is essential for lasting community resilience.
“The individual has to be willing to be transformed by the collective, but the collective has to be willing to be transformed by the individual.” – Kai Cheng Thom
This idea touches on a deeper truth about trauma and healing—that both individual and collective transformation are necessary for real change.
Final Thoughts
Kai Cheng Thom’s conversation with Nkem Ndefo offers a transformative perspective on trauma recovery, community, and justice. Their insights challenge the idea that healing is about returning to a state of safety or neutrality. Instead, Kai urges us to embrace collective practices that allow for healing in the midst of danger and tension.
If you’re curious to dive deeper into this powerful discussion, you can access the full replay by joining the Lumos Community. Your first month is free, giving you a chance to explore a wealth of resources on trauma healing and social justice.
